Inside Out 259: Mourning Lost Pregnancies

11.14.12 | Martha Manikas-Foster

You’ve suffered a miscarriage. The baby’s gone and as you grieve you feel isolated. Maybe you also feel misunderstood, especially if the people you hope will listen well instead urge you to “just move on.” According to today’s guest on Inside Out, the last thing you want to do is forget the baby you lost. In the days and weeks after a miscarriage, many couples are looking for ways to remember—not forget--the child they were never able to hold.

I’ve watched this in the lives of people close to me. But for today’s guest it’s a first-person story.

Holly Besser and her husband are the parents of two living children; they have lost four pregnancies to miscarriage. What, from Holly’s point of view, should the people who surround a grieving couple know about their friends who have just lost a pregnancy?

“I think they need compassion and love and openness,” Holly says. “They don’t need the truth; they don’t need you to justify their pain. They just need to grieve. They need to know it’s okay to grieve in front of you and they need to know that you care about them even when you can’t understand them. You don’t have to have answers. They need to know that you’ll listen to them; you’ll cry with them, you’ll pray for them. I guess one thing I’ve said is keep your arms and your ears open and your mouth shut, and that’s usually the best thing you can do.”

Besser is the Founder of Perfect Joy Ministries out of Apalachin, NY, about 20 miles west of Binghamton. Holly’s partner at Perfect Joy Ministries, Melissa Carswell, has also weathered miscarriages. Melissa and her husband have two living children and have lost three pregnancies.

While Perfect Joy Ministries provides a resource for parents who face infertility, miscarriage and other forms of child loss, our conversation today focuses on the needs of those with a miscarriage in their past. To hear the interview, please click “Listen” button above. We’d love to read your comments in the reaction section below.

To connect with Perfect Joy Ministries and its Bible studies, devotionals and face-to-face meetings focusing on all forms of child loss, click here: and here:


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Inside Out airs Wednesdays at 12:20pm EST during the Family Life Noon Report.


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